Goodbye Tanning

From ever since I can remember having a tan has always made me feel good, now Im not condoning the use of sunbeds its just that I used to use them a lot!  Back in the day when I worked for Thomson Holidays at Greater London House my lunch hour consisted of a brisk walk. Now this wasn’t me being ahead of my time and health conscious, I was tottering up the Hampstead Road in my heels to get to the sunbed shop at Euston Station! Oh the days when I was an All Saints wannabee…

So fast forward to my last exploits with a sunbed. Post diagnosis I had a personal trainer I would visit three times a week at a local gym. The highlight after training would be to head to the local beautician to spend a few minutes in their stand-up sunbed, not even sure they are called sunbeds these days. Anyhoo Id been warned about overheating my body but was I going to listen of course not, Ive been tanning all my life. I started with 3 minute sessions, then went to 6 and finally 9 - oops.

So, imagine you are in a room no bigger than a typical downstairs toilet featuring a massive stand up sun bed machine with a rickety shelving unit on the floor for clothes. I stumbled out of the sunbed realising Id overdone it, my vision was fine but my legs just felt like jelly. The overwhelming sense of fatigue hit me so I sat, well kinda folded onto the floor, just in my knickers, trying to work out what I should do next.  No way was I calling for help, all I could think about was ‘application’, how can I apply common sense to get dressed and get out of this cubby hole. After what seemed like an eternity and whilst still sitting on the floor I managed to grab my clothes and get dressed, thankfully I was in my gym gear. Now I have clothes on but I’ve got to get up so with nothing other than the rickety shelving unit, I positioned myself on my knees and used the shelf to push up with my arms. I couldn’t make it to a standing position but got to sit on the shelving unit, praying it wouldn’t break. Ok cool phase one complete, now to get trainers on, all the while thinking or rather screaming to myself ‘get a grip, get out of here’. I had no idea how long all this had taken me, but I knew I had to exit and get somewhere I could cool down.

After several attempts of moving from a sit to stand position I managed to get up and open the door, no trainers on my feet. Out I pop, ‘Ohh Hi just need to cool down, sorry I was a bit of a while’.  Funny no one questioned me it was just the fact that I felt I had to explain myself, only I knew what was going on in the cupboard. I sat down on a reception chair calmly put my trainers on and cooled down enough to grab my jacket and leave. I was never to return again..

Now fast forward to one of the hottest summers on record in our country…

 I know I can cope with a lovely English Spring day (well when its not pissing down) and short bursts of heat so I had to have a new strategy.  I will not give up my desire for a tan, its up there with heels, the difference being I’ve conceded to the heel piece so this would be a sacrifice too far. Now Im not saying I want to look like Madge from ‘Benidorm’ I would just like a healthy glow and benefit from Vitamin D. The plan was simple ten minutes maximum on my terrace in the sun, then hit the shade then repeat.

 The fact this encourages me to move is a good thing as you can ‘freeze’ up with MS at the best of times. So my strategy was working a treat until the heat truly kicked in. I was on the terrace sitting at my bijou table with a cup of coffee and then realised I couldn’t move, I was stuck, crap.  My daughter was in the kitchen of which I was just outside, ‘Ella can you do me a favour need a little assistance please’.  Usually, I can grab her hand get up and off I go, not this time! Thankfully my boyfriend was in the house,  he had to come outside to pick me up and carry me, all the while I was protesting ‘put me down, I’m ok’, I really wasn’t! After being positioned on a foot stool in my kitchen, at my request well more like a stroppy order actually, I told everyone to leave me stating I was ok and just needed to cool down.  

Truth is I was mortally embarrassed and felt totally vulnerable, it was the first time since my diagnosis that I felt scared. Then as I started to cool down and able to move, I knew that I had no one to blame but myself. I just didn’t want to totally accept that my life really has to change, I have to adapt I don’t have a choice if I am to make the best of it.

In conclusion I was stupid, I was told what not to do and still I thought narhh not me ill be alright, but I wasn’t and learnt the hard way. My daughters are far more astute re tanning, they don’t, they get their tan from a bottle as do I now.