JOB HUNTING
Job Hunting – To Reveal or Not!
So after the acceptance of my diagnosis (that’s another story) I decided to start to look for new roles which would give me the confidence to know my career was not over. I applied for a remote role for a start-up which had just been acquired by a major player. I met the line manager in person, had a Zoom call with the Head of HR, both of whom said they loved me. I had begun my career search in my maiden name, I had finally received my divorce papers and didn’t want to use my married name anymore, which is the name I am commonly known as in my industry.I was then asked to have a call with one of the CEO’s which I thought was great - ‘This is it, let’s see if he likes me.’ The first thing he said was ‘you are Amanda Darrington and this job is not for you.’ Boom - my balloon popped. I wasn’t ready to get into the whole debate of why I wanted a remote role and I really didn’t want to argue my case of capability, even though it was a technical role (and one I was confident I could do.) So that was it, reputation preceded me from an experience point of view. Maybe things would have been different if I shared my back story, or maybe not! I did what I though was right at the time.
I had another interview for a role at a level I was expected to apply for. At this point I was limping like a good’un. I’d planned my wardrobe with what only could be described as an ugly pair of low block heeled ankle boots, which I wore with a black trouser suit and white blouse. So thankfully I could park on site and pheww there were lifts, great news! So I arrive at reception, took a seat, the interviewer comes out and escorts me to what could only described as my worst nightmare, a low table, low tub chairs and bean bags, I could have cried there and then. I was so concerned I was never going to be able to get up and I was completely distracted throughout the whole interview. The funny thing I can remember is that he said to me, ‘So who is the best out there for this role?’ I looked at him thinking ‘shite I don’t know if I can do this anymore’ and replied ‘Me’with as much confidence as a timid little mouse! The final humiliation, after managing to get up and limp out, was that for some reason I said ‘don’t mind me, I fell off my bike recently’, ‘Motorbike?’ he replied, ‘No, push bike’. That was then end of that one! Why did I feel the need to volunteer information he really couldn’t care less about?
So third time, lucky maybe? I drove to the interview parked in what can only be described as the tiniest car park on the planet, but I was determined to squeeze my car in. I really don’t know how much to-ing and fro-ing I did, but I managed to park and had a short walk to reception. I had arrived early as it gives me a chance to get a feel for the business just by people watching. I was met by the head of HR and escorted upstairs (going up is sometimes ok if I have something to pull myself up with and when my legs will lift more than 2 inches!) to a large meeting room where we were both joined by the CEO. I spoke about their business and even shared some mystery shopping I had conducted, as well as offering a solution! So then down to the element of home working, I had attended the interview on the basis it would be 60% remote. This was not to be and the CEO was adamant about this. He said the individual would be office based for the culture. I totally understood, but just wished they may have let me know this sooner. On my way down, I wasn’t permitted to use the lift, as it was a socially responsible business, I was so slow I told the head of HR I had a fear of falling and heights!! Wtf – why oh why couldn’t I just be honest?!
Afterwards I found out that they used my proposal regarding sales training, which I was utterly peed off about, but the saving grace here was at least they used the company I recommended!
Fourth time, I prepared a presentation. I wore my flats to get to the office and changed into my kitten heels upon arrival – big mistake as I was escorted up a wrought iron staircase, the one with the big mesh holes (oh great!) so nearly lost a heel. I was tottering along and quick frankly to anyone observing I probably looked pissed. That didn’t work for me…so guess what I did next..
I went into hiding! My Apartment became my place of sanctuary and I spent my days doing lots of reading, exercising, and trying to understand as much about ‘my condition’ as possible. I did very little with social media as I was not ready to accept my so called disability. I’ll share with you my learning another time.
So the point of this article is to accept the perception I have of myself, especially regarding mobility, and that it isn’t necessarily on anyone else’s mind. If I can lose the ‘how I think the world sees me’ hang up, I can then show my expertise eloquently again. So as the title suggests I am ready to reveal my disability, and I’m accepting for my own moral compass that it has to be up front, hence this series!
