INTRODUCING ME…
So when is the right time to say ‘hey guess what, I’m actually disabled!’
For a while now I’ve hidden behind Zoom calls looking totally fit and healthy but hiding a deep dark secret….and that is in reality,I walk like I’m auditioning for the Walking Dead!
It’s ok to laugh at this point; humour is such a cure for so much.
I have been diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis, and I won’t bore you with the ins and outs but essentially this means that messages from my brain don’t always make it to my legs. This results in walking like I have had one too many sherbets, falling over as if I’m tripping on air and having to give up my lifelong addiction to high heels. The most distressing part to me out of all of this has been accepting a life of trainers or pumps or dare I say ‘flats’ – urghhhhh!!! Quite daft to be upset about, but for me it was always an image thing, forget the fact that I have an incurable auto-immune disease!
To date I have mostly hidden in my apartment, which does have a rather large and lovely terrace, but now its time to now accept that I need to get out there.
These days I walk with a crutch and if needing to walk a long distance (which for me is about 50m) I have a rollator. Much to my shame I purchased an entry level one, rather like most nannas you see doing their shopping. My life affirming moment was when attending a GP appointment, a lovely old lady said, ‘oh darling you are far too young to be using one of those’. The positive I took was that I’m blooming 52, so to even have the word young in a description was amazing and this particular Nanna had a gleaming bright red rollator which gave me rollator envy, I wouldn’t have even known this was a thing. I now have designs on a super-duper carbon fibre Ferrari version which is on my wish list, silently waiting for me to push the purchase button.
I am sharing my story for a few reasons; I can’t do the pitying looks from people when they ask what’s wrong with my leg and I reply. Thereafter comes ‘oh I’m so sorry’ and ‘oh luv are you ok’ etc etc. I know its people just being kind and polite but its ok ,I am ok. Yes, its completely shite that I can’t always control my body like i used to, and the fact that I have a constant buzz rather like an electric current running through me but Im here and I am not going anywhere…well I am just slowly.
So in the grand scheme of things being a tad restricted from a mobility point of view is not the end, I just have to adapt.
The second reason is because I absolutely loathe the word ‘disabled’. Remember I am ‘Gen X’ so life was so much different with disability back then and I myself have my own stigmas. I would like to help change perceptions - my legs are wonky, but my brain isn’t, although some might disagree.
Thirdly, it’s rather like therapy for me, I am a positive optimistic person, and I always have been, so why not share some stories and lets all have a laugh, not at me just together. It’s life, it’s part of the journey, and as long as I don’t look like a frump in flat shoes telling it, why not!
Look out for my first series of weekly stories which ill be sharing, with titles including:
Job Hunting – To Reveal or Not!
Goodbye Tanning
Woops too late!!
Let’s talk Shoes
The famalam influence
Self Confidence
New Style Wanted
The Truth Hurts
Doctors, what do they know?
